Self Help Options to Cope with Depression
It’s been said that depression and anxiety are just opposite sides of the same coin, and it’s not uncommon for men to experience some form of oscillation between them both. However, when a guy finds himself stuck in the perpetual state of depression, it’s time to seek professional support.
Common symptoms of chronic depression (referred to as major depression) include constantly falling sick, or being more susceptible to illness, workplace absenteeism and reduced productivity, relationship distress, difficultly maintaining basic daily functioning, such as self-care, and in worse case situations, suicide ideation, self-harm, and death by suicide.
According to research, women are twice as likely to develop major depression. However, men fare worse than women when it comes to this intrusive mental health problem. Depression in men frequently goes undetected and untreated, resulting in a higher volume of physical ailments commonly related to untreated major depression. Men are four times more likely than women to die by suicide.
The irony is, when men engage proactively in self-care strategies, and seek support, eight out of 10 cases of depression respond positively to treatment. This offers tremendous hope that depression is an experience that depression can be conquered with the proper guidance.
What is depression?
According to the American Psychiatric Association (APA), “Depression (major depressive disorder) is a common and serious medical illness that negatively affects how you feel, the way you think, and how you act. Depression causes feelings of sadness and/or a loss of interest in activities you once enjoyed. It can lead to a variety of emotional and physical problems and can decrease your ability to function at work and at home.” (APA, 2015).
Approximately 10% to 17% of men will develop major depression at some point in their lives, but it’s important to distinguish depression from normalized experiences where our energy, mood and outlook on life can wax and wane. For example, major life transitions or changes like the loss of a job, a difficult diagnosis, or a close friend moving away can lead to feeling down or less social while you process your emotions. However, with major depression, symptoms like those listed above, must last for at least two or more weeks, and be observed as a significant departure from how you typically go about your life.
Depression symptoms can vary from mild to severe and can include:
Feeling sad or having a depressed mood
Loss of interest or pleasure in activities once enjoyed
Changes in appetite — weight loss or gain unrelated to dieting
Trouble sleeping or sleeping too much
Loss of energy or increased fatigue
Increase in purposeless physical activity (e.g., inability to sit still, pacing, hand-wringing) or slowed movements or speech (these actions must be severe enough to be observable by others)
Difficulty thinking, concentrating or making decisions
Thoughts of death or suicide
If you suspect that you’re experiencing depression, ask yourself these three simple questions:
Question 1: Over the past two weeks, have you felt hopeless, helpless or isolated?
Question 2: During this period, have you felt little interest or pleasure, or a lack of joy in your usual activities?
Question 3: During this period, have you observed a change in behavior that includes withdrawing, acting aggressively or using substances to cope?
These questions are only the tip of the iceberg when it comes to screening for depression in men, as there are often many other types of symptoms that can be experienced. Asking these questions of a guy you suspect is struggling with depression can be extremely beneficial because men are less likely than women to bring up the subject of depression themselves.
Men present depression differently than women.
Depression is widely experienced by both men and women, however, it sometimes presents differently depending upon your gender. Science has yet to clearly define why there is such a variation between genders. The contemporary theory is that a combination of genes, hormones, and environmental stress contribute to its occurrence.
While we’re still scratching our heads about the causes of depression, it’s understood that major depression is lethal for men. Men make up 75% of deaths by suicide, and depression is a key risk factor that leads to suicide.
Men are also at a higher risk for coronary artery disease, heart attacks and strokes than women, and depression has been linked as one of the contributing factors of these life-threatening illnesses.
While some symptoms of depression present similarly in both men and women, such as feeling low or disengaged, the differences might make it hard to detect depression in men. For example, Women tend to gain weight and report feeling anxious or tired, while men are more likely to lose weight, feel irritable and engage in substance abuse or unhealthy sexual behaviors.
Illustrated more specifically, here are the depressive symptoms men are more likely to experience than women:
Significant weight loss or gain, or appetite changes
Feeling worthless or excessively guilty
Inability to think or concentrate
Irritability and expression of anger
Loss of interest in work or hobbies
Withdrawal from friends and family
Physical problems such as headaches, digestive disorders, and chronic pain
Alcohol or substance abuse to self-medicate for depression
Changes in behavior, such as becoming abusive, controlling, or violent
Taking physical risks, such as aggressive driving or unsafe sex
Recurring thoughts of death or suicide
Why do men struggle to seek help for depression?
One reason may be men's hesitancy to share their feelings and seek help when they feel depressed. Several elements that impact a man's willingness and ability to seek help with depression, which include social and cultural influences, hyper-masculine norms and expectations that foster negative stigma towards help-seeking behaviors.
Research indicates that for a lot of men, many of the traditional signs and symptoms of depression don't necessarily align with their experiences. Not all men associated depression with sadness, worthlessness, or excessive guilt. Sometimes men experience and express depression in terms of fatigue, irritability, and anger (sometimes abusive), loss of interest in work or hobbies, and sleep disturbances. Men are also more inclined to use drugs and alcohol to self-medicate. The result is that it is difficult to observe the decline in our mental health, making it extremely challenging to detect and treat effectively.
Why is it important for men suffering from depression to seek help?
While difficult to measure specifically, the unfortunate consequences for men suffering from depression and those that fall within their orbit are significant. Depression can affect all areas of life resulting in social, cultural, familial, and economic problems. What we know with certainty is when men seek out and adopt self-care practices to circumvent depression or seek professional treatment options, the results are long-lasting and far-reaching.
What are the key protective factors that can help manage and overcome depression?
A protective factor is a fancy way of describing all the positive activities and actions that act to safeguard a man’s greatest assets – his mind and his mental health. Protective factors, also referred to as self-care, not only defend but are active in reducing or buffering the negative impact of situations that threaten us. Men who integrate protective strategies can significantly reduce the odds of developing depression and can minimize its impact when it occurs.
Protecting yourself against stress is vital.
While our fast-paced modern world can feel especially stressful at times, why is it that some men appear to carry themselves with a distinct state of Zen? My guess is they have likely incorporated stress management strategies into their daily routine.
Stress management techniques don’t safeguard you from experiencing difficulties in your life, but they make it easier to process them without taking you into a state of depression. Learning to let go of stress takes conscious practice in several areas of your life. Here are some ways you can incorporate self-care techniques to help you navigate difficult times and feel even better on your good days.
1 - Exercise
Countless research studies have identified the significance of regular exercise, particularly those that incorporate aerobic movement, for boosting your mood. Regular exercise programs that include cardio-based activity at least 30 minutes, five days per week show a significant reduction in depressive symptoms. (2)
Your brain feels especially good when endorphins are released, which occurs from doing more high-intensity exercise. Depression, of course, can cause an inertia problem - a body at rest wants to stay at rest - so if you want to get moving, start by taking small consistent steps like a daily walk around the neighborhood. Each week you can challenge yourself to add more physical activity in your life. You’ll likely feel a lift in your mood and mindset in as little as two weeks of regular exercise.
2 - Sleep
The term hygiene is usually associated with washing your face and brushing your teeth, but it can also refer to the quality of sleep you’re getting. Prioritizing good sleep hygiene is a vital part of warding off a depressive episode. Getting adequate sleep allows your body to balance hormones, metabolize toxins through the liver and gives you enough energy to face the day ahead.
Of course, if you find you suffer from insomnia or hypersomnia, as is common with depression, you’ll want to take measures to ensure your best sleep environment - like reducing sugar, alcohol and caffeine, and turning digital screens off at least an hour before bedtime.
3- Dietary and Nutritional changes
It’s hard not to pick up an article about food and mental health, without seeing details about the food & mind connection, or the gut & mind relationship. Essentially, we are what we digest, and if what we are eating is questionable, then we’re likely to feel bad. But it goes much deeper. The gastrointestinal tract, or the gut as we commonly refer to it, is often called the “second brain.”
This is because the billions of bacteria that reside in your gut are responsible for carrying messages from your gut to the brain and for influencing serotonin production, also known as your “happy chemical”. Eating foods that promote a healthy gut like eating probiotics, good fats and natural sources of fiber contribute to a healthy gut microbiome. Nutritionists and functional health doctors are excellent recourses for more information on this subject.
4 – Relationships
We are all social creatures, and we innately seek bonds with others. Depression is often described as an isolating disease, so seeking to develop connections during a period when we feel we want to withdraw from the world is a very real challenge. Working against this tendency is vital.
If you’re feeling down, it’s important to initiate or reinitiate supportive social contacts and friendships. This will yield many dividends, including obtaining emotional support while at the same time engaging in an activity that will in most instances lead to an uplift in mood.
5 – Unconditional self-acceptance
A significant aspect of coping with moments of depressed mood is how we view ourselves. Naturally, a lot of men are hard on themselves. We're not particularly self-compassionate when we’re struggling, often adopting some really negative self-talk, such as 'I should be tougher, stronger and 'to man up and get on with life’ or that ‘I’m weak’.
Recognizing that we’re simply human, with strengths and weakness and that we ‘fall off our horse’ from time to time is all part of being a man. It doesn’t imply that there’s anything wrong with us. This self-compassion is important to tame the inner-critic (reference ‘Five Actions to Conquer the Mental Jerk in Your Head’). If we start chastising ourselves, when we’re already depressed, it’s going to make things worse.
Another way to look at self-compassion is by applying the construct of unconditional self-acceptance. Unconditional self-acceptance is all about accepting ourselves entirely as human beings, without any preconditions, in a non-judgmental, non-rating manner. This mindset helps us overcome the illusion that we need to ‘battle’ our way through depression, which sadly evokes guilt and shame – two common elements that prolong the pain of depression.
However, there’s a limit to self-care!
It’s important to acknowledge that self-care practices are extremely valuable in mitigating depression – and can help reduce the impact of depression when it’s snuck up on us. However, self-care practices may not be enough. This could include one or a combination of psychotherapy (talk therapy) and psychotropic therapy.
Psychological Treatment
Psychotherapy, or “talk therapy,” is sometimes used as a stand-alone treatment approach for depression. There are several therapeutic approaches that help with exploring and addressing the cause and symptoms of depression. Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) has been found to be effective in treating depression. CBT is especially effective because it helps a person identify their key issues, along with potential with underlying causes, and then assists them in changing their thoughts and behaviors to effectively live a fuller, happier, more expressed life.
Psychotherapy sessions can be conducted either one-to-one (individual) or can include your significant other (couples therapy), or even your whole family. Other options include group therapy, where individuals who share similar issues and experiences come together to support each other in a safe, non-judgmental way.
Depending on the severity of depression, treatment can take a few weeks to several months to reach a point of observable improvement.
When depression is moderate to severe, treatment might include a tailored plan that incorporates both psychotherapy and medication. Sometimes, we need a little extra help to break through the fog that clouds the mind, to improve the chances of recovering, and medication can help acquire this clarity.
Psychotropic Treatment
The idea that depression is a chemical imbalance in the brain is a myth. Contemporary research on depression, considers it to be far more complex, and even to this day, school is not completely out on its true cause. While there are many potential causes for depression, such as traumatic events, genetic vulnerability, problems regulating mood in the brain, and side effects from medications, antidepressants can be an ally in addressing depression.
Antidepressants may produce some improvement within the first week or two of adoption, and full benefits can take two to three months to be experienced. A typical course of antidepressants is between six to twelve months, with some individuals requiring longer treatment options.
It’s important to know that everyone responds to medication differently. For some, it works extremely well. For others, they experience minor, or even sometimes - no change at all. Some individuals may experience side effects. Regardless, of your experience, it is important to work closely with your psychiatrist, or primary care physician, and incorporate it into your mental health treatment plan.
Adopting any type of treatment plan can be a challenge – even for those who would regard themselves as disciplined. Depression has the uncanny ability to ‘persuade’ us to avoid, procrastinate, or even disengage what we know is best for us. Men can truly feel like they’re going it alone at times, however, you’re not. When you have support in your corner, you have people there ready to lift you up when you stumble.
Debrief & Digest
While some symptoms of depression present similarly in both men and women, such as feeling low or disengaged, the differences might make it hard to detect depression in men.
Men who integrate protective strategies can significantly reduce the odds of developing depression and can minimize its impact when it occurs.
Self-care practices may not be enough. Recovery from depression could include one or a combination of psychotherapy (talk therapy) and psychotropic therapy.
Depression is a real nasty illness, and help is readily available when you need it.
The majority of men, who engage their depression rather than avoid it, are able to overcome this debilitating experience.
With the right diagnosis, treatment and support, your mental health and quality of life can drastically improve.
If you are experiencing depression or are concerned that the self-care practices you’re trying don’t appear to be working – take that important first step and talk to your primary care physician, psychiatrist, or therapist and ask for an evaluation. Protect the most valuable asset that you have, your mental health.
If you’d like more one-on-one therapeutic support, click below to schedule a free 30-minute phone consultation.
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Cheers!
Simon G. Niblock, MA, LMFT, is a licensed psychotherapist, specializing in men’s mental health and wellness. He provides tailored individual and group psychotherapy services and online programs for men and is the author of the Anxiety Workbook for Men, Evidence-based Exercises to Manage Anxiety, Depression, and Worry.
Important Notice: The content in this article is for informational purposes only. It does not replace direct professional mental health, medical treatment, or professional care in any way. Seek the support of a physician or other qualified healthcare provider to diagnose and treat any mental health concern directly. Contact 911 or your local emergency services number if you are experiencing a mental health emergency.
References
American Psychological Association (2005). Men: A Different Depression. Accessed: https://www.apa.org/research/action/men
Fields, A. J., & Cochran, S. V. (2011). Men and Depression: Current Perspectives for Health Care Professionals. American Journal of Lifestyle Medicine, 5(1), 92–100. doi.org/10.1177/1559827610378347
Harvard Medical Health. (2021). Exercise is an all-natural treatment to fight depression. Accessed: https://www.health.harvard.edu/mind-and-mood/exercise-is-an-all-natural-treatment-to-fight-depression
Harvard Medical Health. (2021). What Causes Depression? Accessed: https://www.health.harvard.edu/mind-and-mood/what-causes-depression
Harvard Mental Health Letter. (2011). Recognizing depression in men. Harvard Health Publishing.
Kessler RC, Berglund P, Demler O. (2020). The epidemiology of major depressive disorder: results from the National Comorbidity Survey Replication (NCS-R). JAMA. 2003;289:3095-3105.
Robinson, L., Smith, M., & Segal, R. (2020). Stress management, The Importance of Managing Stress. Accessed; https://www.helpguide.org/articles/stress/stress-management.htm
