In the Pursuit of Personal Wellbeing & Improved Quality of Life
If you could travel back to 100 years ago and ask some average blokes how often they assessed their health, happiness, and sense of purpose, they would have told you to get off their property.
Work was designed to put food on the table, not for enjoyment. The tasks of daily living generally required enough caloric output that “getting in shape” was not a priority. And, the idea that a guy would put effort into communicating his emotions, or even recognizing that he had any, was just ridiculous.
Back then, men were raised to work hard, acquire status in their communities whenever possible and become the manliest men they could - tough and emotionally impenetrable.
Many men today have been raised, maybe not entirely, but at least with strong hints of these outdated values and stereotypes from the past.
Though we’ve come a long way and the masculine identity has broadened, the challenge to be vulnerable and to focus as much on building a rich interior life as you do on exterior motivations is still a work in progress.
In my practice, I’ve never met a guy who wasn’t seeking ways to improve his overall sense of well-being and quality of life in some manner. But because men are new to a conversation that women have been having for eons, and because the definitions of wellbeing, mental health, and quality of life (QOA) are still so ambiguous, such improvements can feel like a moving target or an unworthy investment of your time.
However, without some intentional self-care, it’s common to experience poor physical health, social/relationship problems, and mental health challenges. So if you’re one of the many guys who continually experience a sense of chaos in your life, disconnection from others, and feeling unfulfilled, it could be time to shift your focus inward and make some adjustments.
Let’s clarify what we even mean when we refer to well-being, mental health, and quality of life.
What Is Mental Health?
Mental health begins with your ability to handle stressful situations, interact in social settings, communicate effectively, and make sound decisions.
While the goal is to enjoy life and feel confident, it’s less about being happy all the time and more about building the awareness and agency to adapt to the different types of experiences that arise.
When you are mentally healthy, you can contribute to your community, set and achieve goals, communicate effectively, and maintain intimate relationships. Mental health is the foundation of your emotional, psychological, social, and even physical health.
Of course, all kinds of things contribute to poor mental health, such as traumatic events, the death of a loved one, a stressful work environment, loneliness, addiction, and an unhealthy lifestyle.
There are several components to mental health, and although some sources depict these categories differently, I like to break it down into four main categories:
1 - Cognitive well-being is your ability to assess a situation appropriately and make sound decisions using critical thinking.
2 - Emotional health doesn’t mean you’re never sad; it simply means that your emotions are an appropriate response to what’s happening in your life.
3 - Behavioral well-being is displayed by your actions, whether you can form relationships, perform at work and establish healthy ways of dealing with stress and adversity.
4 - Physical well-being reflects how well you care for your body by committing to regular exercise, eating a healthy diet, and getting enough sleep.
Because life is happening all the time, your mental health is not fixed but can ebb and flow during different phases of your life. Therefore, the goal is not to achieve an idealized and permanent state of joy but to honestly assess your mental health status and get extra support when needed.
What is Personal Well-being?
There may not be a consensus around the definition of well-being, but it typically refers to feeling good about yourself - mentally, physically, and emotionally, and optimistic about your life. Some say feeling confident or optimistic about your future is also a component of well-being. This is, of course, subjective and might look very different from person to person.
If we dig in, we learn that well-being can be broken into two parts: hedonic and eudaimonia.
Hedonia (like the word ‘hedonism’) is the pursuit of pleasure. You enhance your well-being by choosing to do enjoyable activities (again, this will vary depending on what you like to do). For one person, this could be skydiving, while someone else would find enjoyment through gardening or playing chess.
Eudaimonia is the pursuit of deep purpose and fulfillment. Achieving at work, completing personal goals, and contributing to society are essential to mental well-being.
To illustrate this more specifically, Ryff (1989; 2013) argues that mental well-being comprises six subdomains:
Believing that your life has meaning
Continued self-development and growth
Good-quality social connections
Assuming that you can overcome hurdles
Having a positive self-concept
Having a sense of purpose
It’s easy to see how the components of well-being are all interrelated. Perhaps you excel in one area but make up for it in another area of your life. For example, you may not be physically fit but you have a great marriage, good friendships, and love your lucrative job. Of course, it’s not about being perfect in all areas all the time; however, tending to each area can significantly contribute to a positive outlook on life.
What is Quality of Life?
Once the basics in life are covered - like food, water, and shelter - what makes a good life is highly subjective and incorporates both mental health and personal well-being.
Quality of life (QOL) is like a rating system for your happiness and is based on the expectations you have for yourself. QOL is as much about how you perceive your position in life as it is about the specific elements present in your life.
Suppose you live a life of joy, connected relationships, rewarding work, purposeful contribution, and good physical and mental health. In that case, the chances are high that you have a good quality of life.
In part, QOL leans on your ability to close the gap between the life you have and the life you want. And from another angle, the happier you are with your life, the better QOL you’ll have, regardless of outward appearance or status.
Who’s to tell you what makes you happy or fulfilled? Only you can know that!
Could your life use a tune-up?
If, after reading this far, you realize some parts of your life don’t measure up to your expectations, it’s probably time to pop the hood and see where things are out of alignment.
Answer these questions for yourself:
1 - Can you communicate well at work and with loved ones?
2 - Are you challenged and fulfilled by the work you do? How are you contributing to others?
3 - Are you able to sustain intimate relationships?
4 - Do you take time to have fun?
5 - Is there something you have always wanted to do but haven’t gotten around to yet?
6 - Is something holding you back physically, mentally, or emotionally?
Identifying the part of your life that needs improvement will help you determine how to improve it. For example, maybe you’d prefer to keep the hood closed nice and tight, afraid of what you’ll find if you open it up and start poking around.
But the manliest men I know are those who dare to identify where their life is incongruent with the life they want and then do something to change it.
Whether you seek professional therapy, group support, or go on a deep-dive mission to uproot your roadblocks, the reward for investing in your overall well-being is living the most epic life you can.
Cheers, Simon
